Yes, I have arrived safely back in the states. As I sit at a coffee shop with my i-pod plugged into my head, i am trying to disappear in the middle of everything. Spending five dollars for a coffee and a bagel reminds me that I fed a family of six for a week with thirteen dollars. I am avoiding going to the grocery store, Target and any large facility. I am basically avoiding a lot. I can't tell people what happened to me in Njabini. And I guess I wonder if people REALLY want to know or if they are just being polite. OOOPS.... I might be a bit angry right now. A guy in a Peace Shirt just walked by and my automatic response was - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? And WHO AM I to ask that question? I don't have a clue what his story is. Maybe he has spent years in Rwanda in the Peace Corps. Maybe he sends money every month to those in need. Maybe he sits with his ailing mother and holds her hand every week. I don't know anyone's story other than mine and I have no right to judge others. NONE.
I have spent hours looking at facebook pictures from the last ten weeks... a high school reunion that i missed, a sorority reunion that i didn't get to attend, hundreds of pictures of smiling kids and snow topped mountains and watering holes and houses built of sticks and cow dung.
I am questioning my integrity. I wonder.... did i do this so people would say "wow---that's awesome.. going to africa to work with kids. you are amazing." listen, do i enjoy that? Absolutely. I get a rush from the attention. There is a piece of me that says i should help others and not tell anyone about it. THAT'S true integrity. However, when i ask myself about my motives, i know that deep in my heart, i went to make a difference. Could i have done this and been quiet about it? I don't think that is within my character. I wanted to share this experience with my friends and family for lots of reasons. I wanted to bring you all along with me as best i could. I would be truly thrilled if all of you could share the passion that i have for this place. i thought i was going to help these children but as usual, that wasn't what happened. africa saved me from myself. society says to do the "safe" things. africa says "do the right thing". Think about starving children. Pay attention to HIV/AIDS, malaria, tuberculosis in developing countries. Cancer isn't even on their radar. They are more concerned about getting de-worming meds. Healthcare reform for all? Is that just a right of Americans? Read the newspaper and learn about the world. Be aware of bombings in foreign countries and try to understand why we can't all just get along. Be open to the bigger picture. Activism? No way. Make a difference? Yes, we can. (OMG.... Am I really saying that? I am the girl that wants to stay in her own pink bubble and mind her own business. I wanted other people to do the work and just stay safe and secure in my white, middle class society. REALLY?) By sharing this experience with all of you, I hope i have shown you a small piece of Africa and there might be a spark of enthusiasm to try SOMETHING outside of your comfort zone. Ultimately, I hope that i can pull some of you along to participate at a greater level for this cause, whether it be climbing Mt Kilimanjaro with fundraising goals to go with it, sponsoring a child (sending money) or just praying for these kids at night.
i'm daydreaming about Reality TV shows, New York Times Bestsellers, anything that would create a HUGE awareness and some funding for Flying Kites. Sometimes things this big just seem like pipe dreams but I am reminded to Dream Big Dreams, Work Hard and Stick Together. And then I remember that if it is supposed to happen, it will - somehow.
Other revelations of late...
Air conditioning is an amazing invention.
Cars are over rated.
I don't need three closets of clothes.
I don't need half the shoes I own.
I can travel for weeks on end with not much more than a big back pack.
Wet ones are fantastic
Washer/Dryer --- wonderful.
Summer is a great season.
Being true to yourself is hard to do.
