One week later... different coffee shop.... different part of the state... different computer... different email address...different i-pod...different address (it's now DNP 2528 - my license plate number)..different attitude.
Yes, i have changed. And I willing to make this very public. I want to question things loudly and allow people around me to question themselves AND ME. I am being asked "Why Africa? Why not help people here in the states?" A friend suggested that Africa allows Americans the opportunity to believe in the goodness of humanity and allows us the chance to make a difference in a way we are challenged with here. My father suggests that there are children in West Virginia, Louisiana, Brooklyn in need of assistance. I don't disagree. Are there orphanages here in the US? Absolutely. Are there adoptions that need to happen here? Yes. Are there services available in the United States to help those in need? Yes. Is there corruption here too? Yes. There are just different levels of help needed in different parts of the world. I am questioning the inequalities that exist within our planet.
Part of my re-entry also includes my regular visits to the hospitals. I found out that my radiation oncologist lived in Tanzania for a year in the 80s. He was involved in doing some testing to find out if mosquitos carried the HIV virus as the epidemic was starting. He also climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro. It's on my bucket list. I have to make this happen. It is just too much of an adventure challenge for me to pass up. This is one of Flying Kites fundraising projects www.fkadventurechallenges.org Check it out. At the second hospital, I needed to have my regular blood work done that will hopefully tell me i am cancer free next week. It was wonderful to see all my nurses and doctors and social workers and everyone who was part of my 2009. These are very special people. My medical team was very supportive of me when i said I was going to Africa. "Go.. Go live your life" they all smiled at me as i was shaking inside. And now i am trying to get all of them to go back with me. It's so do-able. It's just about getting on an airplane and heading east with one or two stops in between. And then it is all about what happens between your ears. And isn't that the story of our lives? Really? How do we want to think about things?
One more thing that has been going through my head is my writing class. I started in January with the thought that i wanted to write a book about my cancer experiences. I was kind of pissed off when my teacher asked me "Why is your story so different?" on the first day of class. I didn't know. It was different because it happened to ME. And that seemed like it should be enough. We met on a monthly basis and shared 750 words and we got to evaluate each other's work. I had zero experience and i was in a class with speech writers for governors and English professors from the local university and freelance writers from the local newspaper. I was a furniture sales person that just likes to write. In the middle of the six week class I announced that i would not be finishing it - I was going to Africa. The teacher told me to keep writing. Keep telling my story. Now my story consists of living out of my van and/or my motorcycle for six weeks with just enough clothes to fit in two saddlebags, a couple laptops and a pillow and blanket. I have decided that i am content living like this - for now.
A story from my last week i was in Kenya...
I had hopped on the matatu in Nairobi headed back to Njabini. I was the only white person on the bus and everyone was wondering where i was going to sit... almost like i had a disease or something. I ended up in the back of the bus next to a young lady. She spoke very good english and we had a fantastic conversation. At some point the conversation turned to Africa as a whole. In general it seems that Rwanda has become the most friendly culture within this area of Africa. I was very ignorant when the genocide happened (1994). Actually, i was pretty ignorant up until May 1, 2010. There are only two tribes in Rwanda, the Tutsi and the Hutu. Long story short, about 800,000 Tutsi were killed during a very short time period. The woman in the seat next to me told me about a friend of hers who had lost her parents. They had been massacred by their next door neighbor who had been a friend of the family in the past. Years after the killings, the murderer went to the children of the couple to ask for forgiveness. The children sat with him, drank tea and let him know that what was done was done and that although they had been angry, sad and devastated because of his actions, they forgave him. They are friends again. I don't know how people do this. THIS is an act of faith. I am told that because of the pain the country as a whole has gone through, they are basically a gentle lot. My perception (because of my ignorance) was about mean people and machetes and jungles. Not the case.
I often wonder now, why didn't i just commit to doing a 5K run and raising money for cancer research? Why didn't i just volunteer at the oncology center? Why didn't i organize something to help others with cancer? And now I know. I did not want cancer to BE my life. It takes up enough of my time as it is. I didn't want it to control every part of my brain. THAT is not what i wanted my life to be. However, I wanted to do something to help. I needed to give back. I needed it to be something bigger than just the United States or Brooklyn or West Virginia or breast cancer. I needed to look at the world view of need and acknowledge my ignorance, my short sightedness and really push me out of my comfort zone - language, culture, color. It was the only way to move on for me.
Below is one of the links that got me to really believe in this cause. My problems can be so small. As I learn more, I know that everything is relative. EVERYTHING. I hope you get a sense of the cause when you watch this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-YaLd2SF7c
"It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
It's a world of hopes and a world of fears
there's so much that we share
that its time we're aware
it's a small world after all."
CHORUS
It's a small world after all.
It's a small world after all.
It's a small world after all.
It's a small, small world.
There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small small world.
CHORUS"
DISNEY LYRICS
