Please watch it.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Continuing to evolve....
One week later... different coffee shop.... different part of the state... different computer... different email address...different i-pod...different address (it's now DNP 2528 - my license plate number)..different attitude.
Yes, i have changed. And I willing to make this very public. I want to question things loudly and allow people around me to question themselves AND ME. I am being asked "Why Africa? Why not help people here in the states?" A friend suggested that Africa allows Americans the opportunity to believe in the goodness of humanity and allows us the chance to make a difference in a way we are challenged with here. My father suggests that there are children in West Virginia, Louisiana, Brooklyn in need of assistance. I don't disagree. Are there orphanages here in the US? Absolutely. Are there adoptions that need to happen here? Yes. Are there services available in the United States to help those in need? Yes. Is there corruption here too? Yes. There are just different levels of help needed in different parts of the world. I am questioning the inequalities that exist within our planet.
Part of my re-entry also includes my regular visits to the hospitals. I found out that my radiation oncologist lived in Tanzania for a year in the 80s. He was involved in doing some testing to find out if mosquitos carried the HIV virus as the epidemic was starting. He also climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro. It's on my bucket list. I have to make this happen. It is just too much of an adventure challenge for me to pass up. This is one of Flying Kites fundraising projects www.fkadventurechallenges.org Check it out. At the second hospital, I needed to have my regular blood work done that will hopefully tell me i am cancer free next week. It was wonderful to see all my nurses and doctors and social workers and everyone who was part of my 2009. These are very special people. My medical team was very supportive of me when i said I was going to Africa. "Go.. Go live your life" they all smiled at me as i was shaking inside. And now i am trying to get all of them to go back with me. It's so do-able. It's just about getting on an airplane and heading east with one or two stops in between. And then it is all about what happens between your ears. And isn't that the story of our lives? Really? How do we want to think about things?
One more thing that has been going through my head is my writing class. I started in January with the thought that i wanted to write a book about my cancer experiences. I was kind of pissed off when my teacher asked me "Why is your story so different?" on the first day of class. I didn't know. It was different because it happened to ME. And that seemed like it should be enough. We met on a monthly basis and shared 750 words and we got to evaluate each other's work. I had zero experience and i was in a class with speech writers for governors and English professors from the local university and freelance writers from the local newspaper. I was a furniture sales person that just likes to write. In the middle of the six week class I announced that i would not be finishing it - I was going to Africa. The teacher told me to keep writing. Keep telling my story. Now my story consists of living out of my van and/or my motorcycle for six weeks with just enough clothes to fit in two saddlebags, a couple laptops and a pillow and blanket. I have decided that i am content living like this - for now.
A story from my last week i was in Kenya...
I had hopped on the matatu in Nairobi headed back to Njabini. I was the only white person on the bus and everyone was wondering where i was going to sit... almost like i had a disease or something. I ended up in the back of the bus next to a young lady. She spoke very good english and we had a fantastic conversation. At some point the conversation turned to Africa as a whole. In general it seems that Rwanda has become the most friendly culture within this area of Africa. I was very ignorant when the genocide happened (1994). Actually, i was pretty ignorant up until May 1, 2010. There are only two tribes in Rwanda, the Tutsi and the Hutu. Long story short, about 800,000 Tutsi were killed during a very short time period. The woman in the seat next to me told me about a friend of hers who had lost her parents. They had been massacred by their next door neighbor who had been a friend of the family in the past. Years after the killings, the murderer went to the children of the couple to ask for forgiveness. The children sat with him, drank tea and let him know that what was done was done and that although they had been angry, sad and devastated because of his actions, they forgave him. They are friends again. I don't know how people do this. THIS is an act of faith. I am told that because of the pain the country as a whole has gone through, they are basically a gentle lot. My perception (because of my ignorance) was about mean people and machetes and jungles. Not the case.
I often wonder now, why didn't i just commit to doing a 5K run and raising money for cancer research? Why didn't i just volunteer at the oncology center? Why didn't i organize something to help others with cancer? And now I know. I did not want cancer to BE my life. It takes up enough of my time as it is. I didn't want it to control every part of my brain. THAT is not what i wanted my life to be. However, I wanted to do something to help. I needed to give back. I needed it to be something bigger than just the United States or Brooklyn or West Virginia or breast cancer. I needed to look at the world view of need and acknowledge my ignorance, my short sightedness and really push me out of my comfort zone - language, culture, color. It was the only way to move on for me.
Below is one of the links that got me to really believe in this cause. My problems can be so small. As I learn more, I know that everything is relative. EVERYTHING. I hope you get a sense of the cause when you watch this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-YaLd2SF7c
"It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
It's a world of hopes and a world of fears
there's so much that we share
that its time we're aware
it's a small world after all."
CHORUS
It's a small world after all.
It's a small world after all.
It's a small world after all.
It's a small, small world.
There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small small world.
CHORUS"
DISNEY LYRICS
Yes, i have changed. And I willing to make this very public. I want to question things loudly and allow people around me to question themselves AND ME. I am being asked "Why Africa? Why not help people here in the states?" A friend suggested that Africa allows Americans the opportunity to believe in the goodness of humanity and allows us the chance to make a difference in a way we are challenged with here. My father suggests that there are children in West Virginia, Louisiana, Brooklyn in need of assistance. I don't disagree. Are there orphanages here in the US? Absolutely. Are there adoptions that need to happen here? Yes. Are there services available in the United States to help those in need? Yes. Is there corruption here too? Yes. There are just different levels of help needed in different parts of the world. I am questioning the inequalities that exist within our planet.
Part of my re-entry also includes my regular visits to the hospitals. I found out that my radiation oncologist lived in Tanzania for a year in the 80s. He was involved in doing some testing to find out if mosquitos carried the HIV virus as the epidemic was starting. He also climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro. It's on my bucket list. I have to make this happen. It is just too much of an adventure challenge for me to pass up. This is one of Flying Kites fundraising projects www.fkadventurechallenges.org Check it out. At the second hospital, I needed to have my regular blood work done that will hopefully tell me i am cancer free next week. It was wonderful to see all my nurses and doctors and social workers and everyone who was part of my 2009. These are very special people. My medical team was very supportive of me when i said I was going to Africa. "Go.. Go live your life" they all smiled at me as i was shaking inside. And now i am trying to get all of them to go back with me. It's so do-able. It's just about getting on an airplane and heading east with one or two stops in between. And then it is all about what happens between your ears. And isn't that the story of our lives? Really? How do we want to think about things?
One more thing that has been going through my head is my writing class. I started in January with the thought that i wanted to write a book about my cancer experiences. I was kind of pissed off when my teacher asked me "Why is your story so different?" on the first day of class. I didn't know. It was different because it happened to ME. And that seemed like it should be enough. We met on a monthly basis and shared 750 words and we got to evaluate each other's work. I had zero experience and i was in a class with speech writers for governors and English professors from the local university and freelance writers from the local newspaper. I was a furniture sales person that just likes to write. In the middle of the six week class I announced that i would not be finishing it - I was going to Africa. The teacher told me to keep writing. Keep telling my story. Now my story consists of living out of my van and/or my motorcycle for six weeks with just enough clothes to fit in two saddlebags, a couple laptops and a pillow and blanket. I have decided that i am content living like this - for now.
A story from my last week i was in Kenya...
I had hopped on the matatu in Nairobi headed back to Njabini. I was the only white person on the bus and everyone was wondering where i was going to sit... almost like i had a disease or something. I ended up in the back of the bus next to a young lady. She spoke very good english and we had a fantastic conversation. At some point the conversation turned to Africa as a whole. In general it seems that Rwanda has become the most friendly culture within this area of Africa. I was very ignorant when the genocide happened (1994). Actually, i was pretty ignorant up until May 1, 2010. There are only two tribes in Rwanda, the Tutsi and the Hutu. Long story short, about 800,000 Tutsi were killed during a very short time period. The woman in the seat next to me told me about a friend of hers who had lost her parents. They had been massacred by their next door neighbor who had been a friend of the family in the past. Years after the killings, the murderer went to the children of the couple to ask for forgiveness. The children sat with him, drank tea and let him know that what was done was done and that although they had been angry, sad and devastated because of his actions, they forgave him. They are friends again. I don't know how people do this. THIS is an act of faith. I am told that because of the pain the country as a whole has gone through, they are basically a gentle lot. My perception (because of my ignorance) was about mean people and machetes and jungles. Not the case.
I often wonder now, why didn't i just commit to doing a 5K run and raising money for cancer research? Why didn't i just volunteer at the oncology center? Why didn't i organize something to help others with cancer? And now I know. I did not want cancer to BE my life. It takes up enough of my time as it is. I didn't want it to control every part of my brain. THAT is not what i wanted my life to be. However, I wanted to do something to help. I needed to give back. I needed it to be something bigger than just the United States or Brooklyn or West Virginia or breast cancer. I needed to look at the world view of need and acknowledge my ignorance, my short sightedness and really push me out of my comfort zone - language, culture, color. It was the only way to move on for me.
Below is one of the links that got me to really believe in this cause. My problems can be so small. As I learn more, I know that everything is relative. EVERYTHING. I hope you get a sense of the cause when you watch this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-YaLd2SF7c
"It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
It's a world of hopes and a world of fears
there's so much that we share
that its time we're aware
it's a small world after all."
CHORUS
It's a small world after all.
It's a small world after all.
It's a small world after all.
It's a small, small world.
There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small small world.
CHORUS"
DISNEY LYRICS
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Re-entry, integrity and daydreaming
Yes, I have arrived safely back in the states. As I sit at a coffee shop with my i-pod plugged into my head, i am trying to disappear in the middle of everything. Spending five dollars for a coffee and a bagel reminds me that I fed a family of six for a week with thirteen dollars. I am avoiding going to the grocery store, Target and any large facility. I am basically avoiding a lot. I can't tell people what happened to me in Njabini. And I guess I wonder if people REALLY want to know or if they are just being polite. OOOPS.... I might be a bit angry right now. A guy in a Peace Shirt just walked by and my automatic response was - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? And WHO AM I to ask that question? I don't have a clue what his story is. Maybe he has spent years in Rwanda in the Peace Corps. Maybe he sends money every month to those in need. Maybe he sits with his ailing mother and holds her hand every week. I don't know anyone's story other than mine and I have no right to judge others. NONE.
I have spent hours looking at facebook pictures from the last ten weeks... a high school reunion that i missed, a sorority reunion that i didn't get to attend, hundreds of pictures of smiling kids and snow topped mountains and watering holes and houses built of sticks and cow dung.
I am questioning my integrity. I wonder.... did i do this so people would say "wow---that's awesome.. going to africa to work with kids. you are amazing." listen, do i enjoy that? Absolutely. I get a rush from the attention. There is a piece of me that says i should help others and not tell anyone about it. THAT'S true integrity. However, when i ask myself about my motives, i know that deep in my heart, i went to make a difference. Could i have done this and been quiet about it? I don't think that is within my character. I wanted to share this experience with my friends and family for lots of reasons. I wanted to bring you all along with me as best i could. I would be truly thrilled if all of you could share the passion that i have for this place. i thought i was going to help these children but as usual, that wasn't what happened. africa saved me from myself. society says to do the "safe" things. africa says "do the right thing". Think about starving children. Pay attention to HIV/AIDS, malaria, tuberculosis in developing countries. Cancer isn't even on their radar. They are more concerned about getting de-worming meds. Healthcare reform for all? Is that just a right of Americans? Read the newspaper and learn about the world. Be aware of bombings in foreign countries and try to understand why we can't all just get along. Be open to the bigger picture. Activism? No way. Make a difference? Yes, we can. (OMG.... Am I really saying that? I am the girl that wants to stay in her own pink bubble and mind her own business. I wanted other people to do the work and just stay safe and secure in my white, middle class society. REALLY?) By sharing this experience with all of you, I hope i have shown you a small piece of Africa and there might be a spark of enthusiasm to try SOMETHING outside of your comfort zone. Ultimately, I hope that i can pull some of you along to participate at a greater level for this cause, whether it be climbing Mt Kilimanjaro with fundraising goals to go with it, sponsoring a child (sending money) or just praying for these kids at night.
i'm daydreaming about Reality TV shows, New York Times Bestsellers, anything that would create a HUGE awareness and some funding for Flying Kites. Sometimes things this big just seem like pipe dreams but I am reminded to Dream Big Dreams, Work Hard and Stick Together. And then I remember that if it is supposed to happen, it will - somehow.
Other revelations of late...
Air conditioning is an amazing invention.
Cars are over rated.
I don't need three closets of clothes.
I don't need half the shoes I own.
I can travel for weeks on end with not much more than a big back pack.
Wet ones are fantastic
Washer/Dryer --- wonderful.
Summer is a great season.
Being true to yourself is hard to do.
I have spent hours looking at facebook pictures from the last ten weeks... a high school reunion that i missed, a sorority reunion that i didn't get to attend, hundreds of pictures of smiling kids and snow topped mountains and watering holes and houses built of sticks and cow dung.
I am questioning my integrity. I wonder.... did i do this so people would say "wow---that's awesome.. going to africa to work with kids. you are amazing." listen, do i enjoy that? Absolutely. I get a rush from the attention. There is a piece of me that says i should help others and not tell anyone about it. THAT'S true integrity. However, when i ask myself about my motives, i know that deep in my heart, i went to make a difference. Could i have done this and been quiet about it? I don't think that is within my character. I wanted to share this experience with my friends and family for lots of reasons. I wanted to bring you all along with me as best i could. I would be truly thrilled if all of you could share the passion that i have for this place. i thought i was going to help these children but as usual, that wasn't what happened. africa saved me from myself. society says to do the "safe" things. africa says "do the right thing". Think about starving children. Pay attention to HIV/AIDS, malaria, tuberculosis in developing countries. Cancer isn't even on their radar. They are more concerned about getting de-worming meds. Healthcare reform for all? Is that just a right of Americans? Read the newspaper and learn about the world. Be aware of bombings in foreign countries and try to understand why we can't all just get along. Be open to the bigger picture. Activism? No way. Make a difference? Yes, we can. (OMG.... Am I really saying that? I am the girl that wants to stay in her own pink bubble and mind her own business. I wanted other people to do the work and just stay safe and secure in my white, middle class society. REALLY?) By sharing this experience with all of you, I hope i have shown you a small piece of Africa and there might be a spark of enthusiasm to try SOMETHING outside of your comfort zone. Ultimately, I hope that i can pull some of you along to participate at a greater level for this cause, whether it be climbing Mt Kilimanjaro with fundraising goals to go with it, sponsoring a child (sending money) or just praying for these kids at night.
i'm daydreaming about Reality TV shows, New York Times Bestsellers, anything that would create a HUGE awareness and some funding for Flying Kites. Sometimes things this big just seem like pipe dreams but I am reminded to Dream Big Dreams, Work Hard and Stick Together. And then I remember that if it is supposed to happen, it will - somehow.
Other revelations of late...
Air conditioning is an amazing invention.
Cars are over rated.
I don't need three closets of clothes.
I don't need half the shoes I own.
I can travel for weeks on end with not much more than a big back pack.
Wet ones are fantastic
Washer/Dryer --- wonderful.
Summer is a great season.
Being true to yourself is hard to do.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Note to self...
Saturday
Village Market Mall with kids
Pet store
Big Nakumatt
Waterslide park
Pizza
Ice cream
Village Market Mall with kids
Pet store
Big Nakumatt
Waterslide park
Pizza
Ice cream
Highlight according to joseph - the fish in the pet store. So easily amused.
Sunday
4th of July
Church with the kids
8 Scottish and 4 Kenyan scouts arrive - same people as on train to mombasa
Sheep roasting on BBQ
Confetti bonfire and dancing to the Land Rover stereo.
Bonfire and s'mores
Monday
Tricia, Devon and Brendan leave. I am glad to be leaving on a sunday so I won't have to deal with the school kids' goodbye. Went to Nairobi - shopped at city market (an experience onto itself) and met up with julia and frannie for dinner at thai chi and goodbyes. The duck curry is superb. As we packed everyone into the car outside the terminal, there was a guy who had set up his business between two taxis. His business is sharpening machetes on a tire wheel. I almost didn't think twice about it. TAB- That's Africa Baby.
Tuesday
Took an awesome shower at the Terminal Hotel. The temp was right. The pressure was good. Everything was great. I washed my hair (which badly needs cut and color) TWICE and just hung out there for a bit. Yes, I noticed that the water was backing up around my ankles but whatever. The thng that didn't really cross my mind was that the floor is flat with a drain and there is only about a half inch lip at the door. By the time I left my mini steam room, room 106 had become Lake 106. And it didn't bother me much. I didn't have much to get wet since changing clothes only happens every third or fourth day. However, when I left the room I was a little surprised to see the hallway and room 105 were now also part of this waterway. Oops. And the girls in room 105 weren't as easy going. Sorry. TAB
Julia and I went shopping some more at the market and headed back to Njabini. The scouts are working on extreme home makeover for a single mom with eight kids. She is getting new walls in her house and the children's bedroom is being expanded from a 8x10 space to 20x10. (EIGHT kids sleep in that space.). Some windows were added to the rooms and we added a painting of lions to promote the owner's inner strength.
Wednesday
Back to Nairobi for meeting with design fellow from Architecture for Humanity. Fantastic meeting with lots of possibilities. There are local chapters of this organization all over the world. Projects for non-profits can be posted on their website for the rest of the community to see. Their ideas of how to work in the design community and help others in need is very innovative. www.architectureforhumanity.org
(Thanks Barb)
My brain is in "return" mode even though I still have three full days left with the kids. I've bought too many matchbox cars and fancy handkerchiefs and high school musical sticker books of late. The chocolate is being dished out hand over fist as well as basically any request from these kids. The SUCKER stamp on my forehead seems to be blinking neon. I keep thinking that I shouldn't spoil them and then I pinch myself and remind myself that one boy was saved by his grandmother right before his mother boiled him to death. Huh? How many cars do you want? Can I ever erase those memories? No way. But can I help make his future better, one day at a time? You betcha. As long as I am here I can hug that kid up and let him wiggle and scream and tell me that he doesn't want me to kiss him while the whole time he has that smile on his face that all boys get when they want to look cool but really like what you are doing. It just cracks me up.
I wonder what it will be like to come back to America. No donkeys or cows in the roads. PAVED roads. Electricity 24/7. People speaking english. Warm water. Temperatures over 50 degrees and pretty sundresses. Nice sheets. Empty house. Hmmmm...
Peace out. Help someone else. Pay it forward. Dream Big Dreams.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Why?
We had a volunteer meeting last night to go over food, chores and everyday operating issues. A story was shared with us about one of the boarders. A matron had walked into the kitchen and found this young boy standing by himself staring off into space. She was concerned and asked if he felt alright. He responded "I was just thinking about how much I suffered and how much I have now."
This boy joined Flying Kites in January after the chief had let our director know about a child sleeping behind the shops at night. To meet this child you would never know or begin to imagine the hardships he has endured. He smiles and laughs and loves hugs and enjoys bikes and the dog and video games. He is 9 years old.
That's why.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
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