Happy, Happy, Happy....

New Years brings hope, excitement and new energy for me. In the past, I would spend New Year’s Eve having a decent meal on the early side of the evening to beat the crowds.  We would be home and in front of the TV before a lot of people had left their houses.  We would rise and shine early on the first of the year and linger over coffee and dreams of the year to come.   We sat with a yellow legal pad, bank statements, investment statements and a tattered sheet of paper from the year before. Last year’s list would undoubtedly look like this:

Save $$XXX done dated xxx

Save $$$ XXX

Invest in XXX done dated xxx

Invest in XXX done dated xxx

Pay off XXX  Interest rate 12%   done dated xxx

Pay off XXX  Interest rate 10.5% done dated xxx

Purchase XXX done dated xxx

Purchase XXX done dated xxx

Purchase XXX

Purchase XXX

Items were highlighted and dated when completed.  My lists were very productive, efficient and useful.

Inevitably not everything was completed.  The UNDONES were the first to move over to the new year’s list.  And then we would sit and make a plan for the year that was upon us.  What did we want?  How much money should we save?  Should we build a barn, a pool, a new garage?  Should we buy another car?  A motorcycle?  Another TV or furniture?  Spread out on the kitchen table was the plan for the year, as well as all the reasons that I needed to work as hard as I did.  

For the last three years, New Year’s has been a little different. The “We” in my life has changed. There are no financial statements hanging around.  Investments aren’t on my radar.  Making sure I have enough money to sustain myself for another year is all that matters. I don’t think beyond that anymore.  I spend New Year’s Eve with friends and stay out late, eating kettle corn, going for tea, playing cards, walking around town, watching fireworks.   I let out my “Oohs” and “Aahs” as we huddle in the cold staring at the greens, blues, yellows and reds that burst into patterns in the sky.  We hold hands and hug each other and wish each other Glad Tidings for the next year, as well as for the next twenty four hours that are ahead of us. We have all come to learn that the gift of life is not in the things we have, but rather in the moments we spend with each other.  

The “We” in my life has become my posse, a group of friends who has carried me through the trials and tribulations of a life well lived.  They believe in me.  They tell me I can do things.   They use words like “honesty”, “gratitude”, and “courage”.  They talk about fear, anger and loneliness.  They are authentic.  They push me to be a better person, by being examples themselves.

This year’s lists have expanded into my hallway.  There are four 8 1/2 x 11 sheets of white paper as well as some miscellaneous stuff, including three white index cards, taped to my wall.

The index cards have been around for a while.  They have made it through many transitions.

Card 1 reads “What do I want?”

Card 2 reads “Serenity”

Card 3 reads “Peace”

A pink index card says “Clean Out”.  This too has been around for a while.  It reminds me to get rid of things...regularly.

There is a full face shot of James, one of the oldest boys at Flying Kites, smiling back at me.  He has beautiful white teeth and spectacular dimples.  His eyes twinkle and scream “Come back to see us.”  James is quiet, shy and reserved.  Yet there he is, hanging on my wall, pushing me to do things that I didn’t think were possible.  

The four pieces of paper are each a list of their own.

To Pack/Kilimanjaro Hike

Medical Issues/Fundraising Ideas

To Purchase

To Do

Each task is boldly written in black sharpie.  Line items are written with purpose and intent.  

It’s count down mode.  Count down to the New Year.   Count down to getting technology issues straightened out.  Count down to seeing the kids.  Count down to being in the presence of greatness... yet again.  

When I wrote Orphanage in Kenya last year, I couldn’t have imagined what that would mean. It’s a life beyond my wildest dreams.  Dream Big Dreams.  They CAN come true.

Thank you for a great 2010 and for being part of this journey.  

I wish you all peace, serenity and your own set of miracles in the year to come. 

Holiday Gratitude.....

That's Major Moss, commonly known as Spike in our family.  

That's the award ceremony when he was promoted.

That's my little brother.

He left his six month tour of Iraq on Sunday, got stuck in Qatar for a few days and will be home in St. Louis on Friday.  He is going to beat Santa to his house.

The three piece tree was snapped together the day after Thanksgiving.  The multicolor big bulbs scream "FUN" out my front window.   There are strings of multi colored lights zig zagging throughout the inside of the house.  The strands outside resemble a clothes line.  The neighbor's elegant white lights that perfectly drape each shrub say "Peace.  Harmony."  We aren't on the same page.

There are not a lot of presents this year.  There's not a lot of hub bub.  There's not a lot of stuff.  However, the house has been full of friends, food and laughter.  People pop in.  There are discussions about love, gratitude, helping others and hopes for the new year.  No one cares that my lights don't match.  They just want a cup of coffee and to laugh out loud.  There's no cost for this.

Everyone has a roof over their head.  Some friends don't have jobs.  Some have health issues.  Some aren't doing so well.  But none of us are alone.  It's a posse of people that support each other.  When we hear each other's stories sometimes we think "WOW... I thought I had it bad" and then realize that our life looks a little better.  

On Friday I will become a crazy cat lady and load Punky and Mazey into the mini van and head over the river and through the woods towards Binghamton, to spend time with my family.  The cats will either find a spot on the dashboard or stare out the windows from the passenger seat at the passing vehicles.  When we arrive at the homestead, my brother's dog will be terrorized by my furry kids.  Chaos will erupt for a period of time.  My sister and my niece will try to calm down the dog.  There will be hugs and kisses and "How was your trip?" My dad and nephew will unload my car.  "Do you want something to eat?"  Eventually, we will settle in to that comfortable routine that each family has.  And once again, I will fall into the love that is so special in my life.

The holidays are special but I am grateful that this exists in my life each day of the year.  

Happy Holidays.

Getting Ready...Again

Ok Hannah.... I am tired of looking at the seventy two pictures that you took the last day I was in Njabini.  We need some new stuff.  I’ll be there January 10, 2011.

Things I will do different....

I am bringing my laptop.  The blackberry is phenomenal for posting to Facebook but writing on that dinky screen was totally annoying.

I am not bringing thirteen boxes painted with big yellow smiley faces.  That big lady at customs scared me.  If you want to help, please donate and tell me what you want me to buy.  The matrons say we need black shoes, trousers for the boys and toothpaste.  Not a bad shopping list.

Groundbreaking for the Carly “Pie” Liptak Memorial Clinic was a few weeks ago.  The generosity of Josh and Jared Furtado is allowing for the construction of this facility at our new campus.  My guess is that this building will be completed in February.  I hope to be part of the process of getting it up and running.  Maybe furniture????  Ha!!!    

Below is the vision for the Flying Kites Njabini Campus.  It is aggressive, ambitious and exciting.  These children deserve the same amenities we would provide for our own children.  It is not too much to expect that the world's population has clean water and clean air.  It is not too much to suggest that infrastructures for transportation and healthcare exist in developing countries.  There is nothing that is too much to imagine.  "Dream Big Dreams".  Flying Kites has taught me well.

Sometimes I wonder "Why do I keep wanting to name my stuff FEAR?"  It sounds so depressing or scary or emotional.   I know the answer.  Every time I make a decision I get scared.  My decision in July to NOT go back to work was SCARY.   If I didn't sell furniture than who was I?  A few people asked "What are you doing?"  "Writing a book," came the answer, hesitantly.  The chuckles came quickly from the other end of the phone.  I hate to admit it, but I would also giggle.  I was scared to admit that I was doing something out of the ordinary.  I was scared what people would think of me.  I was scared that I wasn't good enough.  And yet, somehow, I spent weeks holed up in my basement surrounded by stacks of paper.  I wrote and edited and made a strategic plan of what my book would look like.   I threw out tons of pages that read something like  "Waa, Waa, Waa" complaining... whether it was about relationships or furniture or money or cancer or friends.   I lightened the load in so many ways.   It was the cheapest therapy I have ever had!!!  Now I don't know if I was really writing a book or just trying to figure out how to recreate myself.  No matter what...it was scary and it was work.

My writing teacher told me I would need a "platform" if I really wanted to write a book.
A what?
A platform.  As she described it to me, it is having a presence on the internet.  Today's publishers are no longer just looking at manuscripts.  They want to know if their potential client has done anything to market themselves.  So somehow in this process,  an orphanage in Africa is making me learn a TON about technology...  Please check out new website/platform.   

www.fear-lol.com

I have learned about widgets and gadgets and counters and html and url.  So much more than I really wanted to know but it's just part of the plan now.  My hope for this website is twofold...
(1) create an identity on the internet  (if you have people you think might be interested in this story or this cause PLEASE pass along)
and
(2) motivate people to not take themselves too seriously and help others, even if it is a simple "Good Morning" to a stranger on the street.  The only way I have been able to come to some kind of balance in my life since my cancer saga has been to push through my fears and do something equally challenging for the good of others.  Let's make the world a better place, a little bit at a time.. WE CAN DO IT!!!!!!!

It's A Wonderful Life and I am so happy to bring you along for the next ride.  

Laugh Out Loud....